Life's full of controversies

2004-12-25T04:09:00.000-08:00

A Piece of My Mind

Thank you for making a joke out of my apology to you via friendster.com. It's been a huge pleasure to see there are many people like me who deem you loose too. I must let you in on the reason of my apology which extends to the fact that you have successfully proved to alot of people how loose you are and I'll gladly take it as a consolation that I'm just another pathetic lesbian who tried to pry Elroy and you apart. *Rolls eyes!* That's if I were ever interested in him, to much of your liking. I'm glad not a single person in our group saw thru' my ploy. Which is a good thing, becos it means, I haven't lost my touch. -AL, 23 December 2004, 1420hrs

Coming back to the prying part, the ploy was set up so Elroy would know what sorta girlfriend you were bj-ing his bestfriend and cheating behind his back. Not so that I could withhold any information of your misdemeanour further which explains wy I had to do what I did... Now, you are just going to ponder as to why I even bothered to msg you since I hated the way you chose to disrespect yourself in every way possible. Which is disappointing becos you remain a "christian" whilst holding onto your own set of "immoral" values. I'm sorry only becos I've wasted 10years thinking... -AL, 23 December 2004, 1423hrs

I could have influenced you to become a better person despite the difficulties you face daily as a kidney failure patient. I'm sorry only becos I'm so fucking tired of you telling me what you think I would wish to hear from your failing relationship and not the truth of your own faults which is causing the death of your relationship with Elory. If he could tell me the truth, why couldn't you do the same? Becos you think my expectations of you will fall? I would have respected you more as an individual if you only spoke the truth. Your disappointment in my actions cannot be deeper than mine of yours. Quote from Gary, "I wish I could slap the senses out of you!!" However, I think, at this point in time, being violent would help matters get better. Becos you are absolutely hopeless. Nothing in this world can help you become a better person now. -AL, 23 December 2004, 1429hrs

"For the last time, I dun slp arnd..."

You said it yourself... You told Elroy you wanted to sleep around just to prove that you're a true slut. Sluts don't need to prove to others they're slutty. It's innate. Actions prove louder than words. You don't need to sleep around to be deemed loose. Which kind of girl would get invitations to a hotel? I feel disgusted being reminded you were invited by Jeremy (he was two-timing you too, gal!). Gross! Besides, I think it's best to apologise now since you are still alive and kicking. I'm sure your life is much more exciting without this minder. -AL, 23 December 2004, 1451hrs

"You destroyed my life and you still finding excuses... -WM, 23 December 2004, 1654hrs"

Destroyed? I've not done anything to destroy. You've not seen the destrutive me and I won't let you see it either. Your life is in your own hands, you decide the way you live it and destroy it. No one can unless you let her. -AL, 23 December 2004, 1856hrs

I think we'll meet in hell and fight it out.

2004-12-25T03:43:00.000-08:00

Just between you and me...

I hope you would retract your decision to court wm cos she's not interested in paupers or virgins. She's not changed her materialistic ways since we went our separate ways from bartley. You definitely deserve someone who would love you from the bottom of her heart and not dump you once she meets a richer, sexually active person. Take heed. -AL, 5 November 2004, 1003hrs

So you are looking for a one nite stander? Great choice. Beyond that flawless exterior, there's nothing fanciful. I was rather pleased to hear you were going to woo her back for good, til she said, there's nothing in you she'd fall for. I asked what she looked for in a boyfriend, her first reply, brains. If she was lucky, brawn would be the next criteria. I asked then, why she dated Elroy (who isn't the most intellectual person in our group), her next reply shocked me, "becos he's very good in bed". So, would you not agree with me that she'd actually stay in a r/s for sex? I'm quite sure victor, alan, benson, elroy and jeremy will agree she's a hottie in bed too. Anyway, to each his own. Just for your own protection, go do a blood test. -AL, 5 November 2004, 1011hrs

I'm slightly calmed but not over it yet. She can get angry with the world but the world must be happy with her every actions? Setting double standards for the world already? She preaches about treasuring other people but I doubt she knows how to treasure people. Well, I take consolation in the fact that at least I don't go around sleeping with all my boyfriends. I've saved that bit of pride for myself. Don't want tongues wagging behind my back. SO what if i'm lesbian? This makes her a slut.
-AL, 5 November 2004, 1002hrs

I'm sorry, I'm not available to talk things out. I'm afraid I wouldn't have enough self control to keep my hands to myself to prevent a brawl. I'm not caring to find out if you've decided to pursue her despite all odds, or if you've already slept with her, and contracted herpes given her frequent pursuits in sexy men or if she's going to die within the next 5 years or so she's claimed due to her kidney failure. My friendship with her ends here. -AL, 7 November 2004, 1421hrs

Hey, I hope you don't mind me saying this. I don't wanna throw our friendship into the pits becos of this slut. Don't talk about her and I'll be okay. -AL, 7 November 2004, 1502hrs

You know what? I've never felt THIS relieved in a long time. It feels as though I've been suppressing the truth from a good friend. Aren't friends suppose to make things clear between each other? Well, if your friendship can't take the knocks of some real truths, you've gotta ask yourself what is supporting the foundation of the ship. Who else would have thought I would be the one to tell Elroy she doesn't love him for him, but for the fact he's good in bed? Sometimes, my works amaze me... -AL, 8 November 2004, 0027hrs

I'm lesbian, for goodness sake. There's no way I'll be interested in Elroy. The only men who would catch my attention are all gay.

2004-12-25T03:24:00.000-08:00

You are right. I never treat him as my boyfriend before. I only want him for sex and money.
-WM, 4 November 2004, 1317hrs

Just for your information, it is to my regret should you think I would fall for Elroy. Please, do not even think of giving him such credit for coming between us.

It's true, you don't love him. That explains the reason behind the frequent break-ups and patch-backs. If not for the sexual intimacy, I really doubt you would stay with him for long.

If I weren't your bestfriend, I wouldn't even give a damn about your life. Your boyfriend is one helluva emotionally abusive guy yet u remain with him (for sex). The choice is yours. -AL, 4 November 2004, 1333hrs

Go mute then... You speak like you are so bloody magnamimous! If you cannot forgive me for what I've done, fine, live with it for the rest of your life then. Your life's been made more interesting eh? You make things sound like you've never made a mistake in your life before... Let me tell you this, I've made my mistake in thinking you're my bestfriend... For the past 10years, I've led my life in denial, in disbelief that a person like you can actually sit on the 'bestfriend' title. You can go around screwing all your boyfriends, I made myself bait to make someone realise what sorta girlfriend you are and this is gratitute? -AL, 5 November 2004, 1355hrs

You're no longer with Elroy, so why can't you just get on with life? Bearing grudges will not help to resolve this friction between us. -AL, 5 November 2004, 1405hrs

Too bad then, cos I'm going to take this as another life experience and get over it. Life's way too short for regrets or grudges. You can't take the truth, then don't ask for it. -AL, 5 November 2004, 1414hrs

2004-11-17T09:10:00.000-08:00

I'm troubled again... Anyway, you remember WM? E gal who played politics when we were working at Einsteins? Yup... I fell out with her... It's like, "Finally! We've found fault with each other after I've been 'protecting' her from other meanies... Anyway, things happened so quickly, it's been two weeks since we last spoken... :M!

I'm feeling miserable cos she's walking the exact same path i took years ago n she's not taking any of my advice... Well, think I shld juz let u in on this instead of vaguely describing the scenarior...

You see, she has this bloody habit of hanging her bf on the thread while looking for someone else aka two-timing-(not tt I've found fault with tt) i juz find it immoral to sleep arnd when in a steady r/s. Now you're going to think y I'm so 'conservative' in thinking casual sex is wrong. It's wrong only becos of the diseases you'd contract by having multiple sexual partners. I've got nothing against sex. I believe it IS enjoyable, however, don't you think one shld hold their horses n yield against temptation once in a while? Otherwise, what is believing in God and all his Commanmands for?

She dated Victor in poly, with whom she shared intimacy on xmas eve, then met Alan in a pub and slept with him on the same night, thereafter dumped Victor n continued the r/s with Alan. No comments. After Alan broke up with her, she dated Benson who was happily attached just v.y cheeky and gave him a blow job and thereafter made a bet on the pool table to any guy who wins the match to send her home. And tt lucky person had to be Benson's bestfriend-Elroy. They had sex and decided to be an item... Quarrels over trivial issues like $$ soon created a barrier and she went on to Jeremy-also attached and had an affair with him while dating Elroy.

As a friend I could sense the tension between them. Having to keep all the secrets of her infidelity was even more tak boleh tahan. She asked me at the beginning of their r/s... If I were straight, would i be interested in him? My answer was a "No." Cos he's simply not my kind. Altho' I did have second thots... In their turbulent relationship, I played several roles as a counsellor, financial adviser and mediator. I had spent a huge amount of time talking to both parties and hence chemistry between Elroy and I was strong. I wont deny he's humorous and rather good-looking. But somehow it was wrong to date my bestfriend's bf. And besides, he'll never go gay so there won't be a chance either.

I guess it was wrong to flirt with him after hearing news of their recent break-up. 25th time in 6 months. We flirted casually over the phone and visited him at his workplace too... I could sense his confusion over whom to choose in the long run after hearing all the secrets which had been kept from him... She was in the relationship for the love of money and sex. He asked if doing all this was worthwhile enough to sacrifice my friendship with WM, I said I was not prepared to lose her as a friend but I surely cannot condone her actions. If given the choice, I wouldn't even keep her as a friend.

Wm eventually found out who sold her secrets. I think I very much regret the flirting bit altho' I felt much relieve after telling the truth.

Thank goodness, I'm lesbian.

You know, the only reason why I decided to remain lesbian for the rest of my life cos Bernard took more than he deserved. I suppose being lesbian makes me feel alot safer... I don't need to worry abt unwanted pregnancies! I'm not proud of my past, e flirty gal who juz wanted a piece of every guy who caught my eye... Utter foolishlishness!

Anyway, not tt I've gone thru' all the experiences tt has moulded me into a different person altogether but I wonder where all my friends have gone during my caterpillar-morphing-into-butterfly stage... *haha!* First chuckle in 2 weeks... Y are we so different from each other? Opposites attract, yeah!~

I'm glad I stepped outta the depression pit with the help of my lesbian friends... Otherwise I'd have just taken my life and regretting every moment of it...

Now I just need somebody to bring me back to church, so I can embrace God's loving arms and seek forgiveness. For being so stubborn headed and not seeing things from a christian's perspective.

Okay, now gimme some comments instead of casual talk yeah? Thanks for listening. :)

*dritkz*
171120040100

2003-11-19T20:30:00.000-08:00

Here's another touching story!~ Enjoy... :)

On July 22nd I was enroute to Washington, DC for a business trip. It was all so very ordinary, until we landed in Denver for a plane change. As I collected my belongings from the overhead bin, an announcement was made for Mr. Lloyd Glenn to see the United Customer Service Representative immediately.

I thought nothing of it until I reached the door to leave the plane, and I heard a gentleman asking every male if they were Mr. Glenn. At this point I knew something was wrong and my heart sunk.

When I got off the plane a solemn-faced young man came toward me and said,
"Mr. Glenn, there is an emergency at your home. I do not know what the emergency is, or who is involved, but I will take you to the phone so you can call the hospital."

My heart was now pounding, but the will to be calm took over. Woodenly, I followed this stranger to the distant telephone where I called the number he gave me for the Mission Hospital. My call was put through to the trauma center where I learned that my three-year-old son had been trapped underneath the automatic garage door for several minutes, and that when my wife had found him he was dead.

CPR had been performed by a neighbor, who is a doctor, and the paramedics had continued the treatment as Brian was transported to the hospital. By the time of my call, Brian was revived and they believed he would live, but they did not know how much damage had been done to his brain, nor to his heart. They explained that the door had completely closed on his little sternum right over his heart. He had been severely crushed.

After speaking with the medical staff, my wife sounded worried but not hysterical, and I took comfort in her calmness. The return flight seemed last forever, but finally I arrived at the hospital six hours after the garage door had come down. When I walked into the intensive care unit, nothing could have prepared me to see my little son lying so still on a great big bed with tubes and monitors everywhere. He was on a respirator.

I glanced at my wife who stood and tried to give me a reassuring smile. It all seemed like a terrible dream. I was filled-in with the details and given a guarded prognosis. Brian was going to live, and the preliminary tests indicated that his heart was OK, two miracles in and of themselves. But only time would tell if his brain received any damage.

Throughout the seemingly endless hours, my wife was calm. She felt that Brian would eventually be all right. I hung on to her words and faith like a lifeline. All that night and the next day Brian remained unconscious. It seemed like forever since I had left for my business trip the day before.

Finally at two o'clock that afternoon, our son regained consciousness and
sat up uttering the most beautiful words I have ever heard spoken. He said,
"Daddy hold me" and he reached for me with his little arms.

[TEAR BREAK...smile]

By the next day he was pronounced as having no neurological or physical deficits, and the story of his miraculous survival spread throughout the hospital. You cannot imagine that when we took Brian home, we felt a unique reverence for the life and love of our Heavenly Father that comes to those who brush death so closely...

In the days that followed there was a special spirit about our home. Our two older children were much closer to their little brother. My wife and I were much closer to each other, and all of us were very close as a whole family. Life took on a less stressful pace.

Perspective seemed to be more focused, and balance much easier to gain and maintain. We felt deeply blessed. Our gratitude was truly profound.

The story is not over yet! :P

Almost a month later to the day of the accident, Brian awoke from his afternoon nap and said, "Sit Mommy. I have something to tell you."

At this time in his life, Brian usually spoke in small phrases, so to say a large sentence surprised my wife. She sat down with him on his bed, and he began his sacred and remarkable story.

"Do you remember when I got stuck under the garage door? Well, it was so heavy and it hurt really bad. I called to you, but you couldn't hear me. I started to cry, but then it hurt too badly. And then the 'birdies' came."

"The birdies?" my wife asked puzzled. "Yes," he replied. "The birdies made a whooshing sound and flew into the garage. They took care of me."

"They did?"

"Yes," he said. "One of the birdies came and got you. She came to tell you I got stuck under the door." A sweet reverent feeling filled the room.

The spirit was so strong and yet lighter than air. My wife realized that a three-year-old had no concept of death and spirits, so he was referring to the beings that came to him from beyond as "birdies" because they were up in the air like birds that fly.

"What did the birdies look like?" she asked...

Brian answered, "They were so beautiful. They were dressed in white, all white. Some of them had green and white. But some of them had on just white."

"Did they say anything?"

"Yes," he answered. "They told me the baby would be all right."

"The baby?" my wife asked confused.

Brian answered. "The baby laying on the garage floor." He went on, you came
out and opened the garage door and ran to the baby. You told the baby to stay and not leave."

My wife nearly collapsed upon hearing this, for she had indeed gone and knelt beside Brian's body and seeing his crushed chest whispered, "Don't leave us Brian, please stay if you can." As she listened to Brian telling her the words she had spoken, she realized that the spirit had left his body and was looking down from above on this little lifeless form.

"Then what happened?" she asked.

"We went on a trip." he said, "Far, far away." He grew agitated trying to say the things he didn't seem to have the words for. My wife tried to calm and comfort him, and let him know it would be okay. He struggled with wanting to tell something that obviously was very important to him, but finding the words was difficult.

"We flew so fast up in the air. They're so pretty Mommy," he added. "And there are lots and lots of birdies."

My wife was stunned. Into her mind the sweet comforting spirit enveloped her more soundly, but with urgency she had never before known. Brian went on to tell her that the "birdies" had told him that he had to come back and tell everyone about the "birdies." He said they brought him back to the house and that a big fire truck, and an ambulance were there. A man was bringing the baby out on a white bed and he tried to tell the man that the baby would be okay, but the man couldn't hear him. He said the birdies told him he had to go with the ambulance, but they would be near him. He said they were so pretty and so peaceful, and he didn't want to come back.

Then the bright light came. He said that the light was so bright and so warm, and he loved the bright light so much. Someone was in the bright light and put their arms around him, and told him, "I love you but you have to go back. You have to play baseball, and tell everyone about the birdies.

"Then the person in the bright light kissed him and waved bye-bye. Then woosh, the big sound came and they went into the clouds. The story went on for an hour. He taught us that "birdies" were always with us, but we don't see them because we look with our eyes and we don't hear them because we listen with our ears. But they are always there; you can only see them in here (he put his hand over his heart).

They whisper the things to help us to do what is right because they love us so much. Brian continued, stating, "I have a plan, Mommy. You have a plan. Daddy has a plan. Everyone has a plan. We must all live our plan and keep our promises. The birdies help us to do that cause they love us so much."

In the weeks that followed, he often came to us and told all, or part of it, again and again. Always the story remained the same. The details were never changed or out of order. A few times he added further bits of information and clarified the message he had already delivered.

It never ceased to amaze us how he could tell such detail and speak beyond his ability when he talked about his birdies. Everywhere he went, he told strangers about the "birdies." Surprisingly, no one ever looked at him strangely when he did this. Rather, they always got a softened look on their face and smiled. Needless to say, we have not been the same ever since that day, and I pray we never will be.

An Angel To Watch over You

Some people come into our lives and quickly go...
Some people become friends and stay a while...
Leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts...
And we are never quite the same because we have made a good friend

Yesterday is history..
Tomorrow a mystery..
Today is a gift..
That's why it's called the present!

Live and savor every moment...

Now don't delete this message, because it comes from a very special angel..

2003-11-19T20:21:00.000-08:00

Loves a mystery
And memory can be so sad.

But in the fresh fragments
Of orchids grown,
Bloomed to the sweet
Perfumes of your skin,
Is embedded to me.

I was sick on the
Rich mandarin nights
Spent intensely with you .

Yet still glimmered
In the stars
Are your
Soft whispers
Said before and over again.

Your invigorating energy
Still runs through me,
When I shade a thought to your silhouette.

And still I am yours,
Within your arms,
Yet in each passing second
Were wilting
In my aged thought.

I loved you?

So softly,
Like the breeze
Skimming along sweet grasses
Before an evening rainfall,
In the glow
Of a raspberry sunset
Swollen with blue clouds
Hazed in a pastel
Of peach and lavender.
Drizzled over,
As the gossamer of heaven.

And shame fell
To the lust
Of lips embrace.

I'd still stop in the twilight?

Listening to the nocturnal outcast
of an unnerving silence
Veiled in the moonlight's
dewy glow.

:Pdritkz"P

2003-11-19T20:20:00.000-08:00

*haha* This is funny... My gf swears by it... Really! Every sigh or smth makes her worry or think I'm thinking smth else... Quite irritating @ times, but I love her!~

FINE ~ This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up.

NEVER ~ use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of
those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES ~ This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.

NOTHING ~ If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this means something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to describe
the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES
and end with the word FINE.

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) ~ This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) ~ This means "I give up" or "do what you want
because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about FIVE
MINUTES when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH ~ This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over NOTHING.

SOFT SIGH ~ Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY ~ This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before
paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is
often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow
"Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned,
you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO ~ This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS ~ A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're welcome."

THANKS A LOT ~ This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only
tell you "Nothing."

:Kdritkz:Z

2003-11-19T20:15:00.000-08:00

If you plant honesty, You will reap trust
If you plant goodness, You will reap friends
If you plant humility, You will reap greatness
If you plant perseverance, You will reap victory
If you plant consideration, You will reap harmony
If you plant hard work, You will reap success
If you plant forgiveness, You will reap reconciliation
If you plant openness, You will reap intimacy
If you plant patience, You will reap improvements
If you plant faith, You will reap miracles

But If you plant dishonesty, You will reap distrust.
If you plant selfishness, You will reap loneliness
If you plant pride, You will reap destruction
If you plant envy, You will reap trouble
If you plant laziness, You will reap stagnation.
If you plant bitterness, You will reap isolation
If you plant greed, You will reap loss
If you plant gossip, You will reap enemies
If you plant worries, You will reap wrinkles
If you plant sin, You will reap guilt

So be careful what you plant now,
It will determine what you will reap tomorrow
The seeds you now scatter, Will make life worse or
better your life or the ones who will come after.
Yes, someday, you will enjoy the fruits, Or you will pay
for the choices you plant today.

2003-11-19T20:13:00.000-08:00

WORTH A READ!!!
ON BEING TWENTY - SOMETHING

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.

You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones.

What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't.

One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life.

You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better.

Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person.

One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Send this to your twenty-something friends...maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in their state of confusion.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Private Counselling service for QuEEr women:
www.geocities.com/lookGglass/

OUR WEBSITE:
http://www.geocities.com/red_qn/

2003-11-19T20:09:00.000-08:00

Hi, I'm finally back at blogging cos i've got tons of time to spare tho' preparing to leave house for more interviews to go.. :P

Anyway, thot' I share this with you guys.. It's rather accurate. :)

http://www.opane.com/opane/zodbloodtyp.html

*dritkz*

2003-11-19T20:08:00.000-08:00

Time Will Heal Our Wounds

Trouble passes. What has caused you to burst into tears will soon be forgotten. You may remember that you cried but not why you did so! As we grown up and go through life, we are often surprised at how we lie awake at night, brooding over something that has upset us during the day, or how we nurse resentment against someone by letting the same thoughts run through our minds concerning how to have our own back. We may fly into a rage at the spur of the moment over something, and later wonder what it was that we were so angry about, and be surprised to realized what a waste if time and energy it had all been. We have deliberately continue being unhappy when we could have stopped being so and started thinking about something else which is more wholesome.

Whatever our troubles are, and however aggrieved we may feel, time will heal our wounds, but surely there must be something we can do to prevent ourselves from being hurt in the first place. Why should we allow others or our trouble to drain away our energy and make us unhappy? The answer is that they not. It is we who make ourselves unhappy.

You may have some trouble in your working place but you should not infect your home with a bad atmosphere. You should realize that there is an end to those problems.The solutions could be found in achieving freedom from those leftish desires, by eradicating all forms of confusion and ignorance.

Whatever we fail to find a solution to a problem, we inclined to find a scapegoat, on whom we vent our frustration. We are not prepared to admit our own shortcomings. It is easier to put blame on others. Infact, some even take pleasure in doing so. This is a completely wrong attitude to adopt. We must not show our resentment towards other. We should do our utmost, painstaking and calmly, to resolve our own problems. We must be prepare to face up to any difficulties that we encounter.

- Ven.Dr.K.Sri.Dhammananda ( "HOW to overcome your Difficulties")

2003-11-19T20:06:00.000-08:00

About SPACES

SPACES is a young private non-profit counselling and community development agency which was conceived in 2001 in response to individuals struggling with self acceptance and self esteem issues. It is currently headed on a voluntary basis by Clarence Singam, a banker. When faced with retrenchment in 1999, Clarence decided to take time off to pursue his interest in counseling by enrolling into a Masters Degree in Applied Psychology programme. Clarence is assisted by volunteers Peggy Koh and
Daniel Tung. Peggy was a former associate television producer who gave up her career to pursue a postgraduate diploma in counseling while Daniel Tung chose not to pursue a career in the life sciences in which he was trained but opted instead to follow his passion to be a social worker/counsellor.

The activities of SPACES include face to face counselling, time limited support group programs and training in counseling. Counselees have included persons struggling over self acceptance, relationship, family, sexuality and career issues.

Since its intial set up, SPACES is now expanding to include a volunteer community service arm headed by Jerry Siah, a young engineering trained Singaporean entrepreneur. Jerry recently returned to Singapore after a few years in the United States where he started an engineering company.

He was formerly a volunteer befriender with TOUCH Community Services and a mentor under BP Mentoring Scheme. Working closely with Jerry on Projek Pelangi are Shahrizal Salim, an insurance professional; Shaleh Halit, a writer; Christine Lee, an administrator and Benny Leo, a psychologist.

The mission of SPACES is to collaborate with our clients and partners to develop safe and new spaces in people's lives so that they may author optimal lives. In particular, we want to harness the diversities that exist in Singaporean society because we believe that it is only when we learn to appreciate one another's differences and yet be able to see that we share a common humanity, that we are able to build stronger
individuals and communities in Singapore.

Some of SPACES's core values are:

o Client centred: The counselling and community development process must always be centred around the people we serve. It is an inviolable principle that we are here to serve the client’s best interest.
o Non-ideological: We do not believe that good psychotherapy or community development work is based on any religious or political ideology except that of doing good for the benefit of others. Our work always uses as the starting point, our clients’ worldviews and cultures.
o Reflexive: No person is an island. Psychological and community resilience in a pluralistic society requires us to be sufficiently reflexive. As counsellors and community workers we strive to live out lives that are reflexive – constantly checking and questioning our cherished assumptions about life including our psychotherapuetic and community development practices. To this end we encourage our clients to grow in
reflexivity.
o Affirming Client Uniqueness: We recognize that each individual and community client is unique and strive to assist our clients to actualise their own unique journey in life as individuals and as communities even as we learn from them too.
o Responsibility: Psychologically and socially healthy individuals and communities take responsibility for their lives. They bear in mind the consequences of one’s actions on others. As therapists and community workers we strive to live out individually and socially responsible lives and we invite our clients to walk with us in this journey.

SPACES Community: Touching Hearts. Transforming The Nation.

SPACES Community is a community outreach arm for all peoples regardless of race, religion, sexuality, gender or economic status. The objectives of SPACES Community is to provide opportunities for peoples of all walks of life to work together to serve the community in a spirit of openness and acceptance. We are convinced that regardless of your beliefs about life - your religion and what is right and what is wrong - we can
still join hands to work together for the good of society.

SPACES Community aims to provide its volunteers avenues to serve society with pride and dignity, and to empower and bring joy to the people whom we serve.

Our Aims

To leverage on the creativity, energy and resourcefulness of the many different types of peoples for voluntary works that benefit our society.

To be an example of people who can work together for the betterment of our society without discrimination against anyone based on race, religion, sexuality, gender or economic status.

To build bridges between communities of people by serving and empowering the less privileged in our society.

Our Belief

It is our firm belief that as we touch one another's hearts, our nation will be transformed to be better and kinder.

Be a Volunteer

While many of us seek greater personal and societal acceptance, the fact is many others such as the poor, the aged, single parents and the disabled are marginalised, often in worse ways. As individuals and communities who have experienced marginalisation and rejection, we can be specially placed to understand and appreciate those who experience rejection and marginalization. You can make a difference in someone's life.

To volunteer with SPACES Community, click here for the Online Volunteer
Data Form. http://www.sgchoice.com/spacescommunity/

For enquiries on SPACES Community, please write to Jerry Siah at
spacescommunity@yahoo.com

For those seeking counseling or support group services, please write to
Clarence Singam at spaces4me@yahoo.com

2003-11-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

The Necessary Stage’s Theatre For Youth Ensemble presents…

3 (showcase [iii])

Someone fails her chemistry test but her mother is not nagging.
She is not happy.
She protests and her mother nags.
She is not happy still.

Someone is going away to study
Her father pays for her fees.
She lets him.
He cannot let go.
She lets him.
He asks her to stay.
She says 'no'.

Someone is a two-timer.
She breaks something.
But she doesn't want to lose a friend.

3 girls tell 3 stories about 3 choices they have to make when there's only
one life to live.

Written, directed and performed by the Theatre For Youth Ensemble.
Consultant: Chong Tze Chien (Company Playwright, The Necessary Stage)

Performance details
Date: 29 November 2003
Times: 3pm and 8pm
Venue: The Necessary Stage Black Box
(278 Marine Parade Road, #B1-02 Marine Parade Community Building)
Seating: Free; first come first served

For enquiries, please contact Sharon Tang at tel: 64408115, fax: 6440 9002
or email: sharon@necessary.org.

2003-11-19T19:59:00.000-08:00

A straight girlfriend sent this to me. I guess we took the smarter and
easier way out...

@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea, visiting her Mother.

As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your girlfriends," she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the
bottom of her glass.

"They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you'll have, you are still going to need girlfriends. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. And remember that "girlfriends" are not only your friends, but your sisters, your daughters, and other relatives too. You'll need other women. Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice,' the young woman thought. 'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake, a grownup, not a young girl who needs girlfriends! Surely my husband and the family we'll start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother; she kept contact with her girlfriends and made more each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, girlfriends are the mainstays of her life. After 50 years of living in this world, here is what I know about girlfriends:

Girlfriends bring you chicken curry and scrub your bathroom when you need help.

Girlfriends keep your children and keep your secrets.

Girlfriends give advice when you ask for it. Sometimes you take it, sometimes you don't.

Girlfriends don't always tell you that you're right, but they're usually honest.

Girlfriends still love you, even when they don't agree with your choices.

Girlfriends laugh with you, and you don't need canned jokes to start the laughter.

Girlfriends pull you out of jams.

Girlfriends help you get out of bad relationships.

Girlfriends help you look for a new apartment, help you pack, and help you move.

Girlfriends will give a party for your son or daughter when they get married or have a baby, in whichever order that comes!

Girlfriends are there for you, in an instant and when the hard times come.

Girlfriends will drive through blizzards, rainstorms, hail, heat, and gloom of night to get to you when your hour of need is desperate.

Girlfriends listen when you lose a job or a friend.

Girlfriends listen when your children break your heart.

Girlfriends listen when your parents' minds and bodies fail.

Girlfriends cry with you when someone you loved dies.

Girlfriends support you when the men in your life let you down.

Girlfriends help you pick up the pieces when men pack up and go.

Girlfriends rejoice at what makes you happy, and are ready to go out and kill what makes you unhappy.

Times passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Love waxes and wanes.
Hearts break.
Careers end.
Jobs come and go.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favours.
Men don't call when they say they will.

BUT girlfriends are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley, and you have to walk it for yourself, your girlfriends will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

:#dritkz#:

2003-04-27T06:22:00.000-07:00

When I was just a little girl,
I asked my Daddy, what I should be,
To be a doctor, or a great lawyer
Guess what he said to me.
Que Sarah, Sarah, whatever will be, will be.
The future's not ours to see
Que Sarah, Sarah

Then I grew up a little older
I asked my bestfriend who should I choose
Alex or Jason, Brendon or Kenneth
Guess what she said to me
Que Sarah, Sarah, whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Don't let go of me...

When I was going to be a mother,
I asked my boyfriend what should I do,
For an adoption, or an abortion
Guess what he said to me
Que Sarah, Sarah, whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
So, pack up and leave...

When I decided to be a lesbian
I asked my girlfriend where we should go
Should we go madmonks or to go zouk
Guess what she said to me
Que Sarah, Sarah, whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Let's go slow with this.

Composed by: mE!
Last Edit: 27 April 2003 @ 0950hrs

2003-04-27T06:17:00.000-07:00

To Let Go - Tiffany Appleton

To get go isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore.
It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regret.
Letting go isn't winning, and it isn't losing.
It's not about pride and it's not about how you appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt or sadness.
It's not giving in or giving up.
Letting go isn't about loss, and it's not defeat.

To let go is to cherish moments, but to overcome and to move on.
It is having an open mind and confidence in the future.
Letting go is accepting, it is learning and experiencing and growing.

To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry and made you grow.
It's all about that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon again.

Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving on.

Letting go is growing up.

It is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy.

To let go is to open a door, to clear a path and to set yourself free.

:)drik(:

2003-03-23T05:06:00.000-08:00

Hello. Had a great time here, expressing my thoughts. Try to do it tonight. Tho' I'm a lil tired. Got a call from Indochine for an interview I posted just the other day... Not exactly what I expected, but since the economy is down, and jobs are scarce, heck!
Went pubbing last week with Fiona. Great person. Old friend found. Kinda lost contact during school days, both busy with several hits n misses. Got to know several other lesbians, interesting to know so many of us exists, since e country doesn't really encourage homosexuality. Met alot of familiar faces also. Glad things worked out well. Still, I don't find e Kristen gal really enchanting, maybe, just maybe I stepped into Fio's shoes, I might just find her attractive. I wonder, does Keith find Kris attractive? Btw, Keith's my gf. Met Sharon(Ballx2), Sophia, Christine & Baoru (u can say they're kinda like the hardcore lesbos in school... *haha!* esp e last kiddo! But I kinda miss the company of Hillary n Rebecca. Funny grads. Oh yar, just to include their fine friends, Kay & Steph. Oh, to also include their other friends would pull my dajie into the story cos they are all related, to a certain sense. :}
Well, life has gotten fine so far... Resigning in April doesn't really makes things any better since I'll be officially out of a really stable job (considering e job mkt now) and concentrating on my papers (piah like sh**), it's tough, but I know my decision is right and I'll pull through this wacko jacko stunt. :} Rece'd tons of encouragement from RQ, which helped me quite a bit more with the final decision, and I really thank these pple for being there. Not tt str8s don't give good advices, just different. Like perspective (different).
Anyhow, my dajie is chasing me off the computer. Till we have time, I'll try to blog smth abt me again. :) Tata. crazy_princess

2003-02-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

I'm bored. Not as many files as I would have expected (below expectations) - disappoint e master . There r 2 SQC Assessors in the office, no idea wtf they wanna assess in the office. Can't be bothered. I'm bored. There's hardly any work here for me to do. If I were to clear my files right now, I'll have nothing in the afternoon... And it's soooo farking boring typing divorce all day long. :{ Miserable.
I miss Andrea already. Well, so does Patricia. So it's not just me alone. We were msging each other yesterday on how 'boring' life becomes when the laughter just began. She's changed alot. Not for the better. Not that I know of, but glad to know she leads a MORE interesting life now. Not that sleeping with room mates are fun, but, oh wtf. Contraceptives will proof good, let time tell. :)
I don't quite miss Alice a single bit. No idea why. Maybe cos she hurt me when she was still in Spore? Well, glad what-his-name-who-works-in-baker's-inn wasn't interested in her like she was in him. I'm glad. *evil* Good to know tt she's finally doing smth productive in Switzerland (sponsored by mom), twisting her tongue desperately learning German *i'm not jealous*, neither interested. She was updating my gf, rich kid to call from overseas. They spoke for a near 45mins. So u could imagine how irritated I was becoming. *good@acting* But anyway, it's over.
Cheri... Cheri... Hmmm, sweet name. But not the person. *this one i'm jealous of*. She's got everything, except a guy who loves her *or so I wldn't know cos can't tell whether she's str8* My gf used to be interested in her and told me everything *cos i forced it out* u can call me vindictive, but I don't care.

2003-01-25T22:52:00.000-08:00

The last maintenance session KILLED my blog! *argh!* But that's not going to stop me from blogging.. Though, it might take a little more time for me to re-enter another blog... *haha!* I'm in class right now, so ain't going to do any stuff, cos I'm seated in front.. & now i don't find the lecturer any cuter than the first time i saw him cos ... well, as my course mates exclaim, "he just another guy full of excuses"... Ok.. gotta go! I'm getting outta class... *sianz!*

2003-01-15T02:24:00.000-08:00

I'm back. Super pissed with this new guy in the office. Sent me 10 e-mails today asking how my day was, what my contact number is, what my religion is and if I was a Christian, what do I do in church... Totally unaware tt I'm attached and have absolute no interest in him. Not that I'm a man-hatter or smth, but if, just if, I were to turn straight, my expecation of a bf would probably not fit anyone in church, school, or office. Of cos, including my dad's expecations of a son-in-law. Not that I'll burst his ego-bubble any time soon, probably play some pranks on him (while I'm at it), get him off my back.

Just in case u wanna know what my expectations of a bf is, here goes:- 20yrs christian (mature enough not to stumble), intellectually stimulating, stable career & ricebowl, athlectic, 6-10yrs senior. Hmmm, there r exceptional cases also... :) *fickle-minded woman!* I do know couple of pple who have caught my eye, indirectly. Haha... Can't make up my mind whether to go back to being "bi". Yes, best of both worlds, but bloody indecisive!

We'll just call him Unc27, owns 2 black labradors, stays in bukit timah area, works in H.P, rather good looking, if not, he's someone who's extremely charming (altho' he smoked in my face the last time we met)... was at RI's dinner n dance... awe... my heart flutters each time his name is mentioned, call this a crush, whatever. *blush!*
Next person, Mark Han... I doubt I have ever mentioned this to anyone, but I do miss her alot. Erm, if i'm not wrong, it's a shim. But still, the sexiness in a person will never fade (even with the shim-ness)...

Perfect10 is playing 'Cleaning out the Closet-Eminem'... If u've bought his album, gawd, he's darn sexy...!

I'm bored... Waiting for the time to pass so tt I can meet my parents for dinner, and then head for Thai class... Haha, maybe when I see Mark, I can try out on her... :)

Ok... I'm getting outta the office now.. Tata! See u tommorrow. Corporate Retreat commences tomorrow, the lawyers will be outta the office *YAY! HAVOC! PEACE (no disturbances from 'em)!* Gotta remind thy self to purchase a photoframe and insert a dashing guy's pic inside... Haha...

2003-01-13T02:23:00.000-08:00

Just started owning one of this after viewing one of my lesbo friend's blogspot.. She's nuts too. It's been a pretty long day at work... Why do pple have to divorce each other? Goodness, do they not know the complications paralegals face when drafting their freaking divorce papers? *gawd!* and they claim to be more educated! Rubbish! Is this complain corner or what? Cos I'm willing to do so and leave my gf with better things to talk about...

Was humming 'wo ai ni you dou sen' (however u spell e hanyu pinyin) song sung by Ong Teng Cheong for his late wife... So romantic... Awe... Envy those lovey dovey couples... Of course, after seeing my parents quarrel in the car for the first time, it's quite hard to imagine myself in a pleasant hetrosexual relationship.

Oh well, life goes on. I've got a psychiatric appointment on the 28th. Hope e doctor doesn't get bored with me... Pity the pple in these line.. Gosh, already life pushes u so hard, and u have to handle other pple's problems.. Of course, I suppose, by now they would just leave everything in the office and head home with an empty brain...

Gotta remind myself to drink Brands tonight.. Have got Econs class tomorrow night.. Consolation: To see if my PCAC lecturer is teaching some other subjects.. He's cute!! Cheah Min Yoon... Altho' I have this funny feeling, he's gay... Oh well, I'll check it out on Sunday!

Oh yar, many happening stuff in the office. 2 women got stuck in the office last Friday (when I was on leave, *shucks!* these things ALWAYS happen when I'm on leave!~) and the alarm went off, so CISCO & police came to e office finding 2 quite silly women stranded on the 8th floor. At 3pm today, they got yelled @ by the SDD (who's been quite volcanic lately, must be PMS, btw, he's a man), called them STUPID WOMEN because it did not click to them to call one of the office security guys... yes, quite dumb. I'm racist, but I'll keep my racist jokes to myself. Cleaner approached Emelia to ask for money.. Hmmm, and u wonder if she was one of those pple who didn't top up her CPF so she can claim $400 from the ERS. Pity the pple without brains.

Ok.. I'm leaving office soon... Leave this all behind.. Enough for the day.